I Give Up.

Part of my goals for this year for myself include allowing myself to release judgment.
Judgment to me means " what I perceive to be 'right' according to my opinion". My awareness of judgment includes that of myself, what I believe others think of me and my actions, what I see in others and their actions, daily events including weather, random occurrences, un-planned changes ( well, ANY changes, really)right on up to how my life is unfolding....

I know, I know. At first this seems like a BIG thing to decide to chew off, and Let Go of, but actually, therein lies the secret. I am beginning to explore the concept of Letting Go ( ack! Surrender, Faith....et al) . I am rolling it around in my being and have done somewhat since the Old Clearmind Days...( Personal Growth exploration I did a few eons, er, years back clearmind.com if you are curious about yourself and your tickings and are either brave or stupid....:) but for some reason it is really starting to become in earnest.

For example.....having chosen to follow my dreams and pursue what I love doing as a career, and essentially had only myself to rely upon, I have found myself to become rather ATTACHED to the out come of events in my life. I have worried and fussed and stayed up late far to many nights, anguished about decisions on how to go about developing my work and living in abject fear that no one would care, apprectiate or "get" what I am passionate about. ( Note....do you see alot of jugement in those thoughts???????????) .And then one day I just got so overwhelmed with Everything, I up and decided that if everything Failed, I would just happily go back back to some grocery store job, and ride my own horses to my hearts content and never worrry about it all again and I went OH! OH! But that's giving up!....................................And then.............
It hit me.

Give up. Give up.... For those of you familiar with my fascination with words hidden meanings are probably rolling your eyes, but...When we say I Give up, I believe we mean without maybe knowing, that we are surrendering ourselves to....a Higher Power. We Give UP. Wow! That realization hit me bango! right between the eyes and I got it! I really, really got "it"! THAT is what Faith is. That is what Trust is. That is what Surrender is. (Please note, that while I am not a particularly religious person, I am on a quest of my higher spirituality)(( hahahaha! Am I judging myself? Or worried about You Judging????)) And a stunningly beautiful peace descended on me and I went ' wow! What ever happens will be ok. It just will. It always HAS worked out, so what am I worrying and fussing about, and REALLY! haven't you noticed that things usually work out better then you could have hoped for anyway??????????? Or planned for? Or wished for? Why oh why do we think we have such a big say in what happens in our lives, that we are so powerful that we can Control everything and everyone and shape ourselves into any number of twisted shapes to try to conform, when really....our deal is just to be ourselves, do what we love, show love and be happy. Stop all that confounded control stuff...that word could happily be dismissed from life I think.....and this leads me back to my point. ....

Judgment and release from it. Ah. So how many times have we passed judgment on something/someone only to find in the end it was different then what we thought. We got more information, learn more bout it, things changed, and everything is different and....we judge again. But if we start to maybe just allow things to be as they will, they get to be as they are....! And we stop trying to be the Lords and controllers of all we see, because darn it all if I haven't noticed that those thing we think are "Bad"? Well, now aren't they always....ALWAYS the biggest blessings down the road? And things we try so darn hard to control seems to pop apart elsewhere? How dare I be so arrogant as to assume that I can see other peoples stories? What other people see and feel? How dare I try to pigeon-hole a horse into what every other horse has done in that situation...maybe this ones different and needs it presented just a little different and to respect everyone's uniqueness? It seems to me that if I do judge, I put up blockages in the path of the Universe that is really conspiring for me to my my biggest benefit, and I think I know What is really juuuust around the corner?


What I aim at allowing to come through me with letting go of judgment is a greater ease and softness, a flowing with life, horses, people and myself instead of the friction of going against the flow..............I am aiming at is trust, faith and joy. And don't we just need to be with our animals to see and feel what no judgment and pure being-ness could be.........


PS photos that I didn't take, are courtesy of Inet Sladecek...and although she isn't here to ask, I am certain that she withholds all judgment and knows I love her pics....:)!