”It’s impossible” said pride. “It’s risky” said experience. “It’s
pointless” said reason. “Give it a try” whispered the
heart - Anonymous
On the eve of the Winter Solstice, when its said that the Apocalypse will occur, my musings are certainly of a reflective nature. It's infinity fascinating that the word Apocalypse is Ancient Greek for "the un-covering". I would have to say that has been a theme in my world of late, digging down into my beliefs and patterns, examining my dreams, longings and aspirations. Those of you that know me, know that for as long as I can remember I have had two Big loves in life, Horses and Art. These two things have filled with both immeasurable Joy and Challenge. I am sifting through big ole belief systems around the fact that neither of them can earn you money and if you do, you will end up hating them. Its kinda cool that I look at that belief with eyes of 'now' and see the fallacy in them,but deep childhood ingrained unconscious beliefs can die a painfully slow death.
I feel an incredible gratitude for being able to have not only survived, but thrived off daring to believe that I can have a rich and abundant career from my love of of horses and granted I feel I will never tire, nor ease to desire to grow and learn and still find every moment spent with these creatures mind-blowing and humbling, I have (much to my surprise often times)managed to accomplish a solid toe-hold on a Grand Life Lived with Horses.
But....
There is this Other Piece.
My Art. And yep, I know horses are Art. Absolutely. And I have no intention whatsoever to stop that aspect of my souls work.............but....
My Art has laid dormant for years. Well, ok. Its actually gone on some great long train and unicycle journey somewhere far more interesting then hanging out. Looking at it now, Gee, must have been about...'98 was the last real time I created anything along these lines. Yeah. Been awhile.Every year its been the same; something like " I'll have all this time in the winter and I'll do art then" and, oh it just never happens. I have become aware that I am the master of keeping Busy, with a capital B...and this huge denied piece of me goes nu-nurtured. I made a solemn vow this fall that I WOULD sculpt this winter and even enlisted the aid of a Life Coach to keep me accountable. Drastic? Yep, had to be. Horses and Art are who I am and they truly are one and the same in my reality.
Why am I sharing this? Because it scares the ever lovin' poop outa me to go Public with this. Its a big step, but its where I am going in the future and to be honest? I am so excited! I am learning to surrender and to embrace all that I am and daring to allow myself to go for the Big Dream. Lodestar's meaning is after all..."guiding light, inspiration". I would be remiss if I was constantly encouraging people to "Live Your Dreams!" and I shirked my own.
So, here is my first clay for bronze sculpture. My inner critic sees all sorts of things wrong with it here, but....I know and see how he will look finished and I have been so so so amazed and immersed in the process...............what a rush! My one only real compliant is IT TO SMALL!!!! Far to hard to get in there with my sticky lil fingers and do what I want, but....patience and learning. The next one will be substantially bigger...yet this one.....this one is special beyond everything.
He is the my First Born after a very long and trauma and drama ridden pregnancy and as such, deserves much tolerance and my utmost respect.
